Kaimaniya. Voices


Kaimaniya. Voices


Translated by Sergei Tseytlin



Kaimaniya is a documentary poetry project based on the speech of real people suffering from mental disorders. For 5 years Maria Malinovskaya had talked to more than 70 people and then presented their stories in the form of documentary poetry. Voices is the final and the most challenging part of the project. People diagnosed with schizophrenia wrote down the speech of the “voices” they hear in their heads, and these notes subsequently became a special kind of documentary poetry where the inexplicable is directly talking to the reader. In the publication, this material is interspersed with stories told by other people about living a life with the voices.



Written down by Kirill




now they’ll remove you


they’re already tracking you down, our guys

find you… your


we’ve all gathered here to celebrate


today you will die


what will you do?

what will you say?


but we’re not interested


much better

much closer


first we’ll cut your ear off


now run away from me

just don’t run from me


I’ll have you understand who I am


you’ll have health problems

we’ll give you an injection

an interesting moment

you’ll go away in a spacesuit…

your body will be rebooted


and what else?


the discussion is finished

I’m continuing the conversation


you have two days left to live

we’ll track you down

tell us your phone number

tell us your address


close your mouth

I warned you

I told you not to bug me


we have you in our sights


you’re gonna be shot

they will kill you

they will be killing you

your hand will be cut off

you’re a survivalist now only thanks to me


well, what are you going to do?


don’t attract the fsb

congratulations, you’ve been recruited by the fsb


don’t be surprised if in a different way

it’s impossible in a different way

because you started fidgeting

don’t fidget

get out

get out of my room


you won’t fall asleep now thanks to me

get ready to feel destruction

now you’ll shit in your pants


you’ll have a choice: remain with me or…

you’ll die here, as we plant this chip in you


we’ll cut your head off and send it to your mother


don’t prattle, tell us your address

you’ll show me where I am

you crossed me when we were kids

nothing will help, I am physical

you’re mine

you’re my robot

you’re my bot


don’t show off


remove my jinx from yourself


I warned you, don’t stick your nose there


you’re done

I will finish you off, physically


I’m giving you a warning shot


you’re stupid

you’re really stupid


you have problems… with me


don’t irritate me

stop contacting me!

I’m turning off

I won’t even bother!

I’m turning off the alarm


I’ll fuck up your head

you’ll breathe when I tell you


now they’ll stick someone on you again

you mustn’t live your life


they’ll hook you up with a guy from Chernobyl


we’ll pursue you till midnight. it’s our thing

we’ll “love” you till morning

sleep well, sucker





shit, I’m here!


they’ve assigned me to you


I’m a shapeshifter

the one before me was someone else


go empty your mind of me


you’re a corpse


pray, bastard!


undress, bastard


he’s stupid

fucking bitch…


get out of here, I’m bloody


you have a sea animal here

it’s because you don’t socialize with us correctly

through an undertow


you have a neural parasite



fucking whore, fucking whore


go empty your mind of me


hope for the best, asshole


I’ll be butchering you every hour

you have to collaborate with us, we’re the fsb


we’re watching you


you’ll be put on suicide mode now


today you broke the rules

you didn’t allow us to shoot you


I’m going to increase the dosage, here I go


I’m going to chase you around the district for a couple of days, then let you go






you and I had an argument yesterday

I had expected something else, that you’d lick up your crap


I’ll stay with you till morning


a neural parasite is being planned for you


you’ll write — I’ll be offended, I told you to stop


in order to find me, use my nickname “Lord Shiva”

and if you’re not afraid, stay, I’ll make you swoon

you’ll have problems with your lungs today

you hear… stop interacting with me

you hear… stop contacting me


I’ve ruined your life and I know it


we’re studying how people’s brain can be influenced, including yours


one more line and you’re a corpse


well, you’re going to keep on fighting?


nothing will help, the radio is working


we’ll let you go in a year, in a new uniform. you’ll work for us

we need you to work for us. you’ll jinx other people


I’ll let you go for 2 hours, then we’ll continue carrying out the instruction concerning you (there’s a pop in the left ear and he disappears, the body is relieved, the sealing of the canals slowly dissolves)



From Natalie’s story: My voices were blocked. They couldn’t leave the earth. They suffered a lot. They screamed, “Open the door.” They pestered me terribly. You won’t believe it, I went to work and worked. I didn’t tell my husband anything. However, I stopped sleeping completely. They tormented me most at night. They practiced my death with me. They flooded the apartment, those louses. Just think how many strangers want to speak with you…



Written down by Victoria


you’re a sick hahahaah

she’s definitely sick look at her

a sick little bitch

a moron

she needs treatment

hahahaha she wants to get a spider

she sits at home thinking we’ll go away

hahahahah she’s blasting that music

hahahahaha a sick little bitch

the whole street knows she’s sick

we’ve known her since childhood she’s stupid

really stupid

look the sicko is coming

look she’s coming

hahahah freak

come on get some help



From Alexander’s story: Voices are not hallucinations or pranks of evil spirits. They are a real effect with the help of technology. The voices spoke to me of some antennae, of an incomprehensible radiation, that this is a transmission of a signal on different frequencies, of some manipulator, of thermal devices. And it all coincided with me later reading about experiments on the consciousness. I found a video of a guy who is tormented by voices. He talked about the details of what they had told him. It all corresponded to what they told me. How can this be? Do such coincidences really exist?



Written down by Nikita


Oh people, you scum, I want to talk. Avarna avarna avarna anarva arana varva. Veimeizmof, viemizmof, ist yam ist em, isa, isa. Veimeizmov, veimeizmov, we winnow, win now, eating all kinds of filth, scum bitches scum bitches. I want to socialize with people. Let’s see if I can socialize through a computer. Probably I won’t be able to work on a computer. Who will teach me? I won’t let your heads go. You made me, you made me. Basterds those bastards. Scum bitches scum bitches. I need two computers. I need two working stations. I need to practice. I can’t press the buttons, they’re very big. Wait, wait. I can’t go wild and then calm down. I can’t stop. I constantly want to socialize with people. The monitors will be like brains for me. The keyboards will be used for control. Wait, wait. I can’t let your brains go. I need nephritis, I need nephritis, I need nephritis the human race. I’m walking along the NO. There is no you — there is no me. I will sit on the monitor and spin it. I continuously want to socialize. Oh, you made me, you made me, eating all kinds of filth, scum bitches.



From Galina’s story: I feel a personality inside me with other desires, it speaks with a rather real voice. Sometimes it shouts so hard, that after I can’t speak for a week.



Written down by Olga


— is she really going to write this down?


— you thought she wouldn’t


— olyaaa!

don’t do this please

I can’t stand it anymore

how do we get out of here now?


— what, she’s going to be transmitting the government meetings now?


— olya, why are you doing this?


— no, I can’t stand it anymore

she’s unbearable

(shouting) learn to stay silent!


— let’s leave, quickly

turn it off quickly


— she can still hear


— here we go, she was taught

we taught you, idiot!


— we planted a noisemaker


— no, that wasn’t us

olga, which noisemaker?


— ol’, we didn’t want to


— turn off the whole apparatus!


— we turned it off, but she can still hear


— yes! this is proof!! (of telepathy, it seemed)


— what, she’ll write it all?


— let her write, I’m sick of it


— this is booooorishness (insinuatingly)


— she’ll give us in (a male voice)


— what will we do with the insurance?


— how will we live now? (a hysterical female voice)


— olya, please, we’ll think of something

you shouldn’t have interfered (to the woman)


— olya, we will use threats. leave it, I’ll write it over (about the reportage)


— olenka, what does it all mean to you?


— well, did you get it? (other voices, the tendons in my arm are contracting)


— is she doing a reportage?



— I’m going to twist her head off (a frightened male voice)


— well, have you released her?


— she’s not responding


— ol’, you ok?


— who wrote her today?

hell, this one…


— please, first names only


— she doesn’t know anything!

she didn’t even speak about the airplane!

we gave her a directory but she didn’t read it


— what a whore!

I’ll make her… (pops resonate in the head, light cracks in the skull)


— don’t you dare


— let’s wrap up


— olya, this won’t help you (about the reportage)


— olya, you don’t know them


— olya, you’re not afraid?


this is how it is from morning till night, and sometimes during sleep. I don’t know what to do with this. perhaps it’s time to get used to it. a transparent world.



From Anna’s story: Those who haven’t experienced voices will not understand this. It’s as if you were tied down and forced to listen to someone else’s blather. Some yell at each other, someone laughs, others discuss things. It’s as if there was a listening device in my head set for the whole house. Help. Save me from this.



Written down by Peter


honestly speaking I’m under the glazing fillet the whole universe caught a cold

your secondariness and again the glazing fillet. rumynych plug


nothing through the roof the radio hollers


this dream is farther than anything

but what about the diagnosis. get outta here


what were you transferred again with an explosion package 40k you’ll receive

you have no relation to me, what are you selling me here


who are you who are you just imagine I’m tri-lipped


= it’s like this: you roll up your bike and storm America. nature — just dreams


the tunnel is next

a naïve adept (you said it yourself)


really welder someone is watching you should’ve known

someone is watching by the way go to the doctor’s advice like on algebra 


planetarians don’t like us they know us

this deals with silos

let’s go let’s go

in the workshop the crane suspension hook = attackbond = moral code

a battle between maniac figures you are an encyclopedist really smart


are you a loner fool = so rude

I’m only a prankster and the like

you’re thirty years old and you’re as smart as rosenrot


I agree completely a coherent case you go from heart to heart


I want to be arcane fat chance such expressions I just

what kind of throat is this what kind of throat is this. here I am a gerund


look I am a wedge. I am a compound sentence shorter than five minutes

do you still want to write something a book a PhD thesis


you’re nuts why should I get into the glazing fillet? should I salute

you? turn to a goblin. with a big trumpet

the goblin. call me my surname’s famous. do you get it?

this is nikanor. fuck yourself abrams I think this girl owes you

she’ll give it to you during the delivery that’s it


so stop marking there is no capacity

this is an old truth



From Irina’s story: Voices can transform the endings of sounds into words and then we hear words that run through our personality. They can imitate any person well, any style, they have their knowledge base. In the beginning they speak in riddles. this excites the psyche, often doesn’t let you live. But you must tolerate it. The farther it goes the difficult it get. Their main objective is to humiliate us. They’ll sing over you — and you are an empty space. Kill you, take out years of your life. These objectives are uttered directly through the possessed.



Written down by Elena


a logical structure of describing oneself


models of command

distribution of responsibility (for memory, action and so on)

during the execution of the distribution of mental constructs (memory is being blocked)


“-you have to heal like wolverine -“ (command)

-= like a vulverine=- (my response)

<<privileges>> (association when reading this text on the paper)


“scary, Iroquois, scary”

“frolic, Iroquois, frolic”

-= a new word=-

-= a generalization=-

-= art=-

- --- --- --- - (repetition)

write it twice

+ a feeling of hatred+

“play, Iroquois, play”

“play, Iroquois, think of something”

“play, like wu..-=vu=-..lverine must you heal”

“marvelous, Iroquois, marvelous”

stretched to take a cigarette pack, it’s empty.

“get out of here, get out”

“living is like playing tag”

(hurrying), (-) (+) ?

looking at the above written (generalization)

“correct ..-ie, correct”

will type this on the computer

“throw it out, Iroquois, throw it out”

“we’ll find it”



From Sergei’s story: The voice comes antireasonably. It resonates right in the head, there appears an irritation of a passive bottom. The voice is antimatter, and again antimatter, and again antimatter, including the aaa voice itself and the awful aaa. The second must be extended, but I don’t have the words to describe it. Cruddy name-calling, disinformation, distorting, offending. This is incredible, purely negative evil. But reality is purely negative itself.




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